Expectations play a big part in healthy relationships. What you expect from a partner goes a long way in determining how healthy your relationship with?them will be. If your expectations are unreasonable or unrealistic then you will not simply be disappointed, you will frustrate them. But if we know what we can reasonably expect and what can be reasonably?expected of us?then our relationships can grow and flourish. Understanding some of the purposes behind human relationships will go a long way in shaping our expectations. So what are some of the purposes of human relationships?
The Bible gives us a picture that includes both spiritual and social functions to our relationships. A myriad of verses we find the Scriptures speaking with clarity about the role relationships play in our lives. Foundational to all of these roles, however, is their role as pointer to the gospel. Ephesians 4:32 is a simple picture of forgiveness in relationships, but one that serves to point us to the forgiveness we have received from God in Christ. Ephesians 5:22-32 is a well-known pericope?that delineates?the mystery of marriage. In these verses we learn that the husband/wife relationship serves as a picture of the Christ/church relationship. Husbands, particularly, are told to love their wives ?as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.? In John 17:20-21 Jesus prays that his followers would have unity among themselves for the stated purpose that ?the world may believe that you have sent me.? Apparently good, healthy, Christian relationships point others to Jesus. Likewise John 13:35 says that it is by our mutual love that we will be identified as followers of Jesus. Our relationships are constantly driving other people to, and/or reminding ourselves of? Jesus. 1 John 4:12 spells it out in perhaps the most blatant terms. John writes:
No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. (1 John 4:12)
It is through our love for one another, through our relationships, that people will see God. That is a remarkable, if not sometimes terrifying, teaching. Our relationships have the power to point to the gospel (or to drive people from it).
This is why making relationships all about us is such a complete failure and distortion. Relationships are not all about us, they are about the gospel. When I am selfish, and self-absorbed in my relationship I am directing people away from the gospel, not the least of whom is probably my partner. My goal in my relationship, as in all things, should be to glorying God (1 Corinthians 10:31), and to use my relationship as an opportunity to point myself and others to Jesus.
Secondly, the Bible tells us that relationships exist to help us grow in godliness. Colossians 3:16 tells us that relationships are a means by which I am taught God?s Word, corrected and challenged, encouraged and motivated. Healthy Christian friends challenge and encourage my own personal spiritual development. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says it this way, ?Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.? Hebrews 3:13 says that another specific responsibility of relationships is to help us keep a pure faith. We are to ?exhort one another? with the end goal that we will not be ?hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.? Hebrews 10:24-25 commands us to ?stir up one another to love and good works.? My friends will help motivate me and encourage me and keep me focused on what?s important. The next verse in Hebrews 10 tells me not to neglect meeting with others, this is a very important part to my growth according to Scripture. If I neglect regular fellowship with believers I will be an anemic Christian for sure. James 5:16 urges us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. Relationships specifically function as spiritual aids for me.
This is not their only function, but I don?t want to overlook that one of my expectations for a good dating relationship is that my partner will have a vested interest in and work towards my own spiritual development, and likewise I will be expected to work towards theirs. If the person?you?are?dating does not help?you love and serve Jesus better than this is not a good relationship!
Relationships also exist to help us fulfill the mission of God. Our growth in godliness is evidence of that, as is our pointing others to the gospel. Any number of passages that speak to the mission of the church are clearly contingent upon good, healthy relationships. But one passage stands out as expressly stating this in a compelling way. It?s found in the book of Genesis at the creation of Adam and Eve.?God has created Adam and given him a specific task, to cultivate and tend the Garden. But God sees that this is not something Adam can do alone, and so he creates woman to help him accomplish this task. Genesis 2:18 says that God created a ?helper fit? for Adam. Helper is not here intended to be a degrading term or intended to subjugate one gender under the other. It is intended to communicate the need of teamwork when it comes to the mission of God. Man could not do it alone, he needed a partner, an equal and ?fit? co-laborer in the Garden. To fulfill the mission of God, whether that is an individual task or the global cause of Christ, we all need co-laborers. Relationships should be focused not just on individual satisfaction and mutual affirmation but on fulfilling the mission of Christ in the world together.
Finally, and yet no less significantly, God gives us relationships for companionship. It is important not to misunderstand my writing here. I do not write to insinuate that?the pleasure and companionship you receive from a relationship is insignificant or inferior to these other relationship purposes. Companionship is extremely?important for our own personal health. In fact in Genesis 2:18, after God has created nearly everything and called it all good, he says, ?It is not good that the man should be alone.? There is only one thing that is ?not good? in the pre-Fall Garden of Eden: man?s loneliness. The Song of Solomon is a whole book that celebrates the significance of companionship, both through discussing physical and emotional intimacy. Such things described?there may be reserved to the marital relationship (see my series on sex), but dating relationships are working towards that by their own appropriate development and expression of companionship.
Don?t neglect this aspect of your relationship. Your affection for each other should grow, and if it isn?t you need to pause and do some evaluation. Are your expectations unrealistic? Are you being faithful and obedient to God in your relationship? Are you pursuing godliness with your partner? All these questions and more may help you discern why your companionship is not growing, but it may also be simply that your affection for each other is not there, and that may mean this is not the relationship for you. Again, this is not the only important part to our relationships. We want the total picture to be found, at some level, within our dating. As we come to view the purposes for our dating relationships correctly we can come to expect the right things of our partners, and that in turn may mean more healthy relationships.
Like this:
Be the first to like this.
michael oher jerry lee lewis cesar chavez winning lotto numbers lottery tickets mega lottery sag aftra
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.